My Cat Is a Spy

Chapter One: The Smart Litter Box

The trouble began, as most trouble does, with a purchase Dave did not need. The SmartPurr 3000 Automated Litter System had arrived with promises of "app-connected waste management" and "real-time health analytics." What it actually delivered was a litter box that connected to his WiFi and, apparently, to a secure satellite network Dave had not known existed.

He noticed the anomaly on a Tuesday. The SmartPurr app was showing data transfers at 3 AM—large ones, several gigabytes, routed through servers in Zurich, São Paulo, and a location the app simply labelled "CLASSIFIED." Mr. Whiskers, a seven-year-old tabby with a perpetually bored expression, watched Dave investigate from the kitchen counter with what Dave now recognised as professional detachment.

"You are a cat," Dave said to Mr. Whiskers. Mr. Whiskers blinked slowly, which in cat language meant either "I love you" or "you know nothing." The litter box pinged. A new message appeared on the app, decrypted into plain English: AGENT WHISKERS: COVER COMPROMISED. INITIATE PROTOCOL YARN BALL. CONFIRM WITH TWO MEOWS. Mr. Whiskers meowed twice. Dave sat down heavily on the kitchen floor.